OMER Day 16
1 Iyar 5780
Saturday 25 April 2020
It’s time for some Radical Candor my friends. Today our Omer practice sits on Gevurah within Tiferet — strength within compassion. The hardest truths to tell are often the most important and meaningful. It’s time to have that difficult conversation. Maybe it’s with yourself. Maybe it’s with a loved one near or far. Maybe it’s with your roommate who you’ve been forced to spend *way* more time with lately than you ever anticipated.
Today’s practice will utilize tools from nonviolent communication to prepare for a difficult conversation to take place at a later time (hopefully not too much later, but we certainly don’t assume that a full conversation plus prep can happen within seven minutes!)
Note that some folks prefer not to take on the emotional labor of these conversations during Shabbat. If that’s the case we encourage you to take today’s practice as an opportunity for reflection and groundedness and to take on the conversation itself sometime following Shabbat.
☀️Omer Day 16 practice [1 Iyar 5780 | Saturday 25 April 2020]☀️
- Observe — write down as many of the objective “facts” of the situation as possible. Try to use as neutral a perspective as possible. (2 minutes)
- Identify Feelings — write down what feelings arise for you from this situation, then write down what feelings you think may be arising for the other member(s) of the situation. Also include how you and they might feel differently were you to successfully address this situation (rather than leaving it un-tended). (1 minute)
- Identify Needs — write down the needs you have in this situation that are not being met, then write down what steps you feel willing and compelled to take to help rectify the situation. Finally, write down what needs you think the other members might have (whether you feel able to meet them or not). (1 minute)
- Identify requests — based on the above, articulate your strategies for addressing the situation and meeting the needs of all involved. Note that these should not be written as demands and that requests are just that: requests that may or may not be able to be fully met. (2 minutes)
- Finally, identify a few times / locations that would be appropriate for this challenging conversation. Make a plan for the conversation. (1 minute)
- Journal or notebook + writing utensil
✨Practice Notes ✨
- As follow up, before the full conversation, you may wish to practice with an objective third party.
- One of the primary strategy goals of this preparation is to identify the core feelings and needs laying below the surface level of the situation. Often it’s not *really* about e.g. the dishes but about an underlying issue, pattern, or other friction.
- We should not presume we know the entirety of the other perspectives, truths, feelings, and needs. We anticipate in order to create empathy, however we should enter challenging conversations with as open a mind and heart as possible.
- The goal likewise is not to meet your own requests at the exclusion of requests and needs others have (that’s a nice way for a demand to masquerade as a request). We need to identify our requests to be clear about our needs and asks, but we should assume that compromise will be a critical part of the solution moving forward.
- If you’re having this difficult conversation with yourself, then all we can really offer is to suggest that you try to honor the multiple voices, truths, and perspectives creating internal discord.
- Finally — we are not licensed mental health professionals! If you are in need of serious help, please get in touch with a qualified mental health professional as soon as possible.
For more we suggest the following resources:
☀️ This post is part of our Omer Wellness Series – a daily 7-minute opportunity for introspection and intentional focus on caring for ourselves, each other, and our environment in this incredibly challenging time. ☀️
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